If you’ve been living with chronic illness or fluctuating energy for a while, you’ve likely been told, probably more times than you can count, that you need to "pace yourself." It sounds so simple, doesn’t it? Just do a bit, rest a bit, and everything will be fine.
But for many of us, the reality of pacing feels less like a gentle stroll and more like a high-stakes game of Tetris where the blocks keep falling faster than we can move them. You try to be careful, you try to rest, and yet you still find yourself hitting that brick wall of exhaustion or a "crash" that leaves you sidelined for days.
I’ve been there. I know that feeling of frustration when you feel like you’re doing everything "right" and your body still isn't playing ball. Often, the problem isn't that pacing doesn't work; it's that the traditional advice we’re given is too rigid, too vague, or just doesn't account for the messy reality of life with a disability or chronic condition.
Today, I want to share 10 common reasons why your current pacing strategy might be failing you, and more importantly, some gentle, realistic ways we can fix it together.
1. You’re Starting from an Unrealistic Baseline
Most of us try to start pacing while we’re already in a "push-crash" cycle. If your current "pacing" baseline is actually 110% of what your body can handle, you’re essentially trying to pace yourself while you’re already overdrawn at the energy bank.
The Fix: We need to find your real energy envelope. For the next few days, try to cut your activity level by another 20% from what you think is your limit. It feels counterintuitive, but starting from a place of true stability is the only way to build a foundation that lasts.
2. You’re Only Pacing "Physical" Tasks
This is a big one. We remember to pace the vacuuming or the walk to the shop, but we forget that scrolling on our phones, having a deep conversation, or even being in a bright, noisy room drains the same battery.
The Fix: Start treating "cognitive" and "sensory" energy with the same respect as physical energy. If you’ve had a long phone call, that counts as a "task." Give yourself a quiet, dark "buffer" period afterward to let your nervous system settle.
3. You’re Resting Reactively, Not Pre-emptively
If you only stop when you feel tired, you’ve already gone too far. For those of us with conditions like ME/CFS, Long COVID, or Fibromyalgia, "tired" is a late-stage warning sign.
The Fix: Move to scheduled rest. Instead of waiting for the signal, set a timer for 20 minutes of activity followed by 10 minutes of full, horizontal rest. Resting before you need to is the secret sauce of sustainable pacing.
4. The "Delayed Payback" Trap
Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM) is a sneaky beast. You might feel "fine" while you’re doing the thing, only to have the floor fall out from under you 48 hours later. Because of this delay, it’s hard to link the cause to the effect.
The Fix: Use a simple diary or a "Gentle Habit Audit" to track your activity and your symptoms over a longer window. If you crashed on Tuesday, look back at what you did on Sunday. This helps you identify those hidden "energy leaks." You can find more about re-evaluating your routine in my guide here.
5. You’re Using Pacing as a Ladder to "Improvement"
There’s a lot of pressure in the wellness world to use pacing as a way to slowly "increase" what you can do every week. This can quickly turn into "graded exercise," which can be actively harmful for some conditions.
The Fix: Shift your mindset. Pacing isn't a training program; it’s a management tool. The goal is stability, not necessarily "more." When you focus on staying consistently within your envelope, you might find your capacity naturally expands over time, but that’s a happy side effect, not the primary goal.
6. The "Good Day" Gremlin
We’ve all done it. You wake up feeling surprisingly okay, so you try to "catch up" on everything you missed while you were ill. By 4 PM, you’ve done three loads of laundry, answered twenty emails, and… you’ve triggered a week-long crash.
The Fix: The 50% Rule. On a "good day," only do 50% of what you feel like you can do. Save the other 50% for your body’s recovery. It’s hard to hold back when you finally feel "human," but your future self will thank you for it.
7. Life Demands Are Overruling Your Limits
Sometimes, pacing fails because life doesn't care about our energy envelopes. Doctors' appointments, kids, and essential work can't always be "paced."
The Fix: Plan for the "un-paceable." If you know you have a big appointment on Thursday, treat Wednesday and Friday as "low-energy alternative" days. Prepare your meals in advance and lower your expectations for everything else. I talk about designing these low-energy alternatives in Chapter 3 of my eBook draft.
8. "Listening to Your Body" Is Too Vague
"Just listen to your body" is well-meaning advice, but when your body's signals are confusing or delayed, it’s not very helpful. Sometimes our bodies tell us we’re fine right up until the moment we aren't.
The Fix: Add structure. Use external tools like timers, heart rate monitors, or even just a set "Spoon Budget" for the day. Having a concrete plan helps when your internal signals are feeling a bit noisy.
9. Perfectionism and the "Shoulds"
"I should be able to do this," "I should have finished that by now." Guilt is a massive energy drain. When we feel guilty for resting, that rest isn't actually restorative because our brains are still "working" at a high intensity.
The Fix: Reframe rest as a vital part of your "job." You aren't "doing nothing"; you are actively managing a complex health condition. Rest is productive. Gentleness is a strategy.
10. Ignoring the "Invisible Load"
Stress, anxiety, and even excitement take up a lot of room in our energy budget. If you’re going through a stressful time emotionally, your physical capacity will naturally shrink.
The Fix: Acknowledge your emotional landscape. If you’re having a tough week mentally, give yourself permission to do less physically. It’s all the same pool of energy.
Moving Forward with Kindness
Pacing isn't about being perfect; it's about being curious. It’s about learning to work with your body instead of against it. If your strategy hasn't been working lately, please don't beat yourself up. It just means we need to tweak the plan to better fit the beautiful, complex reality of your life.
Remember, you are doing enough, and you are enough, exactly as you are today. We're in this together, finding ways to make wellness sustainable and inclusive for every body and mind.
Stay gentle with yourself,
Gemma x
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